


Sunday

by Bitchii_usa



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: F/M, Humor, One Shot, Plot Bunny, this is really silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9376826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitchii_usa/pseuds/Bitchii_usa
Summary: Vegeta gets a ransom note. A silly one shot written for The Prince and the Heiress Plot Bunny Challenge #3.





	

_**Sunday** _

_A/N:_

_So this little baby here is for Plot Bunny prompt #3: Write a story that begins with a ransom note._

_I've been writing some more heartfelt things lately, so this time I would like to write something a little…silly. Basically, this is my earnest attempt at trying to be funny haha. Hope you enjoy!_

_oooOooo_

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me!"

Vegeta held up the yellowed paper in his hands and read it twice, three times for confirmation, and scoffed loudly. Surely this was some badly orchestrated joke, right?

"What's the problem?"

Vegeta looked over his shoulder to the heap of blankets behind him on his bed. An awake-but-still-half-asleep Bulma was rising on her elbows, rubbing the crust out of her eyes.

"This, this…. _shit_ ," he slapped his hand against the worn paper, before shoving it under her nose, "is the problem!"

Bulma scrunched her nose at the paper, pushing his hand away from her disgustingly. "What _is_ that? And why does it smell so rancid?"

"The hell if I know! You didn't even read it!"

"I'm not touching that! I don't even want to _think_ about whatever that is. Just tell me what it says!"

Vegeta huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose out of irritation. "Just my fucking luck," he grumbled to himself, "after she promised to do that _thing_ today! I've been trying to be nice-"

Vegeta."

"-I didn't even _punch_ that guy at the counter for staring at her breasts—"

"Vegeta…!"

"- I even _smiled_ for the stupid photo! All for this entire day to be wasted and-"

"VEGETA! WILL YOU JUST READ WHATEVER IS ON THAT STUPID PIECE OF PAPER TO ME!?"

Vegeta looked over at her, eyebrow raised, as her screaming pulled him out of his mini rant. Her eyes were wide and impatient, and she gestured for him to continue. He sighed, fighting back the rage that was brewing in his belly, ready to boil over like a neglected pot on the stove.

"Fine. It says:

_VEGEEEEETA!_

_Bet you can't guess who this is? Let me give you a clue: YOU FUCKING MURDERED ME YOU LAWN GNOME! Considering that you're a terrible person, good luck in figuring out who that is._

_I've only got twenty four hours, so I'll make this short. I've taken your family (_ _ you _ _had a family?! Pathetic) and I've taken them some place daaaaaangerous. I've added the extra a's so that you can know how much danger they're in. The answer is a lot._

_BUT I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHERE THEY ARE! That's up to you to figure out._

_See you soon,_

_Me._

_HAHAHAHAHA you thought it would be so simple, huh? You should know me better than that, EXCEPT YOU DON'T BECAUSE I'M ANONYMOUS! Here's the trick: If you don't come for them in twenty four hours, you'll never see them again! Because the portal to the Earth will close! But I won't tell you where the portal is! And just so we're clear, your son, your pretty blonde wife and who I'm assuming to be the butler are all under my care! Except they're in danger! So take that! I demand you come and fight me, so I can return the favor princey poo!_

_Your hair is still, and will always be, stupid,_

_-Me (Again)_

Bulma blinked rapidly, her eyes set into straight slits. Her mouth was slightly agape as she looked at Vegeta. His face met hers, his annoyance spilling out of them and unto their sheets.

"What was that supposed to be?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's a ransom note!"

Bulma stared at him for a long while, waiting for him to tell her the punch line. When his silence filled the room, she shook her head. "Wait, so…this… _guy_ , I'm assuming it's a guy, took our son, and my parents who he assumes are me and a non-existent butler, to some portal."

"Correct."

"And you have twenty four hours to get them back."

"Exactly."

"Or they're gone forever."

"Right."

"And Trunks is there."

"That's what the damned paper says!"

"So why are you mad, again?"

"DO I HAVE TO SPELL THIS OUT!?" Vegeta turned more on the bed so that his face was in close proximity with hers. "This…asshole…decided to provoke me into a fight, putting me on a fucking scavenger hunt to who _knows_ where, and is challenging my stupid pride for the sake of some ill plotted revenge! And on _today_ of all days!"

"Let Trunks handle it then!" Bulma bit back, her nose touching Vegeta's, "It wouldn't be the first time he

avenged his poor father!"

"You take that back!" He jammed a finger in her face, his top lip curling over his teeth, "That doesn't count! We talked about this!"

"Oh, same Trunks, different timelines you big baby," she put his hand down and smiled at him, "besides, what I planned for you will take the _entire_ day. Do you really want to spoil that when your son can handle it?"

"BUT MY PRIDE!"

"Who cares about your pride! Grab life by the balls, Vegeta!" She maneuvered her hands down between them, past the joint meeting of their skin, and pushed past the elastic lining of his shorts. He sucked in a tight breath of air as her fingers softly ran down the head of his shaft. Further down, further down, so achingly _slow_ further down she went, until her hands reached their goal. She squeezed his balls firmly and he stiffened.

"How…dare…," he said between clenched teeth, "how _dare_ you use my line for you against me?"

She smiled at him knowingly and deviously. "Hey, it got you what _you_ wanted. Figured I'd try it out for myself."

"Not…working…"

"No?" She pursed her lips as she ran her hand back up towards his head again, feeling him stiffening there _too_ under her fingers, "nothing I can do to convince you?"

He was having a hard time focusing clearly, with his solid cock being mercilessly tormented by her soft fingers, and he dropped his head as she rubbed the head in tiny circles, playing with the slickness that was slowly coming out. Maybe Trunks could handle it, after all. The boy was strong, hell Vegeta _had_ trained him, and perhaps whoever this ingrate was could serve as proper practice.

But _whoever_ wrote that god awful note had purposely set out to try and _ruin_ Vegeta's day for the sake of revenge. As if Vegeta wasn't one of the two strongest people on Earth.

And, they called his hair _stupid._

That just wouldn't do.

Reluctantly, he grabbed Bulma's wrist gently and brought it out of his pants, his member growing cold at the lack of heat. She clicked her teeth and rolled her eyes.

"Fine! You want to play this little puzzle? Go right ahead, bud! It's not as if you don't have a beautiful wife to finally do that _thing_ you've been asking for!" She pushed him gently away from her as she made her way to the edge of the bed, firmly planting her delicate feet in the plush carpet. She made her way over to a closet so massive it could swallow all of South City in it, and began to rummage through her clothing.

"What the hell are you doing, Bulma?" Vegeta strained to find his voice again after her torture, and was currently attempting to set himself back to factory settings down below.

"What does it look like? If I have to plan my day around you and _your_ activities, then I'm coming with!"

He snarled, feeling the weight of today pressing down on him further. There was no point in arguing with his Earthling-but- Saiyan- at- heart wife. It would only cause him a bigger headache than the one that was throbbing against his skull right now.

One thing was for sure.

He would give _whoever_ this was a good Prince of Saiyans Pummeling™ when he caught the bastard.

oooOooo

A short, plump man wiped the sweat off of his forehead as he stood up straight in his crop field. The sun was perfect on this day, just the right amount of hot, and he smiled as he looked over his bountiful harvest for the season.

"Aaah," he said in glee, reaching down to his cooler for a water bottle, "imagine how much I'm going to get for all of these crops! I worked so hard, wouldn't you agree, Bud?"

Bud, his golden retriever dog friend, ran around him in lopsided circles, barking while his tongue drooped from his lips happily. The man smiled, taking his farming gloves off to signal the end of his shift.

"I'm so glad to be done this season, Bud. After the demanding customers we had last year, I had to grow so much more! But now I can just rest and profit!"

He looked fondly at the crops again before turning back to his truck. "Let's go, Bud!"

He had barely made it to his driver's door before the ground shook violently behind him. Bud whimpered in panic, moving underneath the car for safety. "What in tarnation!? An earthquake!"

He turned around swiftly, only to be met by a set of demon's eyes. He screamed, in an embarrassing kind of way, and fell on his bottom. He began praying in another language, hoping to be spared whatever unholy fate was in store for him.

"Stop your screaming, you annoying imbecile!"

The man whimpered, lowering his hand to see the demon closer. The demon's black hair was in the shape of Satan's spit fire, and he was convinced that the creature stepped directly out of the flood gates of hell itself. "W-What do you want?"

The demon huffed impatiently, folding his arms tightly across his chest. "I'm looking for a portal here. Have you seen one?"

"A what?" Surely this demon was just trying to get home, and this man cursed why _he_ had to be the one to help him.

"A portal! One that separates this world from the next!" He looked around at the crop field that surrounded them and pointed a white gloved finger in the direction of the plants. "Is it underneath this garbage?"

"Hey, it's not garbage, demon!" The man stood to his feet and brushed his knees, clearly upset, "these are vital crops that guarantee the livelihood of me and my dog, Bud, here- _whatthehellareyoudoing!?"_

The demon raised his hands towards the field, a purple glow emitting from the palm. Without a moment's hesitation, he released the ball of energy into the greenery, setting it on fire.

The man watched the scene in horror, dropping back down to his knees. "M-my…my plants!" his eyes watered as he surveyed the loss.

"VEGETA!" A woman stepped into his view -how had he _not_ noticed her being there? - her blue hair shining underneath the sun and her equally blue eyes full of anger, the whites turning a subtle shade of pink. "Why did you just blow up this man's crops?! He said that it was his livelihood!"

"I'm looking for the portal, Bulma. Or have you forgotten?"

The man watched them and scratched his scalp. _Vegeta. Bulma._ They must be from the city; surely no self-respecting citizen of the country would _dare_ name their offspring with such atrocities.

"Of course I haven't forgotten! But why do you think a _portal_ would be all the way out here on a farm!?"

Her hands scrunched tightly against her sides, the white of her eyes deepening in its pink hue.

Vegeta scrunched his nose, turning away from her like a sulking toddler. "It smelled funny in this direction, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to look. The land of demons is said to smell of horrible smells."

"It's supposed to smell of sulfur, Vegeta, _sulfur_. This doesn't smell _anything_ like sulfur. This smells like…like…" she narrowed her eyes and put her finger to her chin in concentration, the edges of her eyes growing hazy, "where have I smelled this before?"

"EXCUSE ME!" the man hollered, throwing a daggered look at Vegeta and Bulma, "in case any of you demons have forgotten, but you all just _destroyed_ my marijuana patch!"

"Marijuana, exactly!" Bulma stuck her finger in the air and laughed wildly, "That's what this is!"

"Yes it is!" he retorted, "and it's all _gone!_ "

"I don't care about your mary wanna!" Vegeta grabbed onto the man's shirt, pulling him dangerously close to his face, "I care about this god _damned_ portal!"

"There is no portal here, demon!" the man said, growing fear under the destructive gaze that was Vegeta, "I only grow, or grew, marijuana for my customers!"

"STOP CALLING ME A DEMON! I'M A SAIYAN!"

"Hey, man, your mental health is none of my business! I do not judge, boy I tell you! Now can you please put me down?"

"First the portal!"

"There is _no_ portal!"

"BUT I'VE SEEN THE MOVIE!" Vegeta tried to pull the reins in on his volcanic temper, but he was failing miserably, "CROP CIRCLES LIKE THIS DO NOTHING BUT PULL IN CREATURES FROM DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS!" Bulma laughed wickedly behind him, rolling on her sides in the grass, and the sounds only irritated the man even further. "Bulma! What the hell is so funny!?"

She attempted to cease her laugh, lost in the haze of her own comedy. "It's just that…that…we forgot to eat this morning, Vegeta! And you _never_ miss a meal. And I'm starving!" She whimpered then, resting on her knees and pouting at her husband. "I want something to eat Vegeta!"

"NOT UNTIL I GET THE PORTAL!"

"There is no portal!"

"THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?!"

The man shrugged under Vegeta's clenched fist, his mouth attempting to find the words to explain _exactly_ what Vegeta was smelling.

"This is useless!" Vegeta threw the man to the ground in annoyance, massaging his temples. "It's as if today couldn't get any worse-"

"Hey best buddy!"

"IS IT MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!?" Vegeta nearly spat the insides of his mouth out at the frustration named Goku, who appeared in front of him suddenly. "Why the hell are you here, Kakarot?!"

"Well," Goku scratched his head, "I was trying to get away from Chi-Chi today and do my own training. She keeps bugging me to train in our bed with her, but I'm tired now."

"I don't care about your affairs, stupid! Why the hell are you _here!?_ "

"I was getting to that, Getes! Anyways, I was training and stuff, and then I realized that it was no fun if I didn't have anyone to beat up, so I figured I'd come and find you!"

"EXCUSE ME!?"

"So here I am!" Goku looked around at the burning crops around him, almost diminished by now, widened his eyes. "What happened here? And why does it smell like skunk?"

"Because this fat man," Vegeta pointed an accusatory finger at the man on the ground, "won't tell me where the portal is! He's too busy complaining about his mary wanna!"

"Mary wanna what?"

"It's marijuana!" The man stood up, his eyes alive with fire, "M-A-R-I-J-U-A-N-A! What are you two, insane!?"

"Yeah, we're Saiyans," Goku put his hands on his hips, clearly offended, "but how would you know that?"

"Kakarot!" Vegeta shook his head as realization spread over him like wildfire, "if I asked you to locate

Trunks' ki, could you feel it from here?"

"Sure if I tried."

"Well try!"

Goku narrowed his eyes at Vegeta before preparing for his stance. "Geeze, best buddy, you sure are testy today. I thought Bulma helps you out with that. Speaking of which, why is she acting all funny?"

They turned to spot the short blue haired woman on the grass, lying flatly on her stomach, studying a flower. Her large blue eyes marveled over the yellow plant, her fingers roaming over it curiously. "Have you guys ever seen something so majestic? It's like this flower is speaking to me, telling me to appreciate it more. What was that, little guy?" She put her ear up to it, her lips slightly parted. "Ssssh, I hear you little guy," she ran her fingers over the top petals, 'petting' it, "everything's going to be just fine," she whispered.

"Never mind her! She probably spent too many nights in the lab! Now can you locate Trunks or not?"

"Fine, fine," Goku brought two fingers to his forehead and concentrated, searching mentally for the lavender haired boy's ki. After several silent minutes, his eyes popped open. "Found him! It was kind of hard, it's like he's surrounded by some sort of fog, but it's definitely him!"

"Perfect!" Vegeta brought up his fists in victory, a smile spreading across his lips. He had only been searching for this damned portal for about two hours, which meant he could spend the last twenty two hours beating this asshole into the ground. For once, (this was a lie he would not admit), Kakarot had proven himself useful. "Now where is this portal located?"

"Portal?" Goku raised an eyebrow. "What portal?"

"Don't play coy with me, dumbass! The portal where Trunks is located!"

"He's not in a portal!" Goku stared at Vegeta as if _he_ was the one who had no idea what he was talking about. "He's in the desert where you and Napper first came to Earth."

"WHAT?!" Vegeta felt as if he would really blow this time. In the desert? _The fucking desert_? _That's_ where he and the Briefs' were? Why didn't he locate their ki's sooner!? HOW WAS THIS HIS LIFE? He was beyond _pissed_ now, and he would make sure to let this son of a bitch know _exactly_ how frustrated he was. He walked over to his wife, practically pulling her away from her obsession the petite flowers, and scooped her in his arms. She looked as if she were sleeping, in his opinion, but the blue of her irises peeked from under her thick lashes. She smiled hazily at him and he shook his head. She was strange, and no amount of married years would change that.

He grunted and placed his hand on Goku's shoulder, grimacing at the contact. "Alright, Kakarot, take us to Trunks."

"You got it best buddy!" He placed his fingers back to his forehead and glanced at the short man again.

"Sorry about your marry wanna, but maybe it's for the best. It stinks out here; Chi-chi would kill me if I grew _anything_ around these kinds of smells." He concentrated back on Trunks ki, located it, and was gone in an instant, carrying the couple with him.

The short man blinked his eyes heavily at the sight. Did the man just…vanish? With the other man who didn't want to admit he was a demon? Were they _all_ demons?

Was perhaps… _he_ a demon?

He looked over at his now extinct crops, remembering how they were lit on fire. Ohhhh, so that was it.

He was just high. They all were.

He laughed, satisfied with his internal explanation of things.

Turning back to his truck, he whistled for Bud and started up the old vehicle, his stomach grumbling rapidly and anxiously at the large lunch he was going to consume.

oooOooo

The desert was clear, the sun bullying them as Goku teleported them to the orange sands.

Vegeta looked around the empty place, unable to make out the ki that Goku claimed was his son's. He couldn't make out his in laws either, and now he felt himself just about bubbling over with an angry fever.

"You said they were here!" He turned on his heel to Goku, snarling with every step, "you said that their ki was located right here and not some damned portal!"

Goku looked around too, scratching his head at the lack of persons. "That's what I _felt_. I wouldn't have been able to teleport here if not. Maybe they _are_ in a portal."

"GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT, MAN!"

"Oh, I believe his shit _is_ straight, man."

The sky became blanketed with an obscene color of gray, swallowing all of the shadows of the vast desert. Bulma watched it in awe, much to Vegeta's annoyance, proclaiming it to be beautiful. Vegeta ignored her, searching for the source of the voice that sounded oddly familiar.

Goku gasped, finally spotting the silhouette among the grey sky. "Hey, it's _that_ guy!"

"What guy!?" Vegeta tried to spot what Goku was seeing, but all he noticed was the dismal blanket of

clouds. "Where!?"

"This is going to take a lot of energy to beat this guy; he's _strong_."

"Strong?! Who!? Where is he!?"

"I sure hope I trained hard enough to fight him head on."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT, KAKAROT?!"

"Oh," Goku chuckled and looked in Vegeta's irate direction, "sorry, Getes. He's right there in the sky." He pointed a finger, and when he did, the clouds seemed to dissipate, leaving the man in full view.

The bald head. The thick porn star moustache. The swirly tail instead of legs….

….Swirly tail?

Vegeta looked back and forth between the man and Goku, completely appalled. " _He's_ who you were so worried about?!"

Goku squint his eyes in the direction again, getting a better look at the silhouette. He frowned in disappointment. "Oh man, I thought that was that _one_ guy. The one who punches."

"The one who punches!? We _all_ punch, you idiot!"

"Maybe, but not like _that_ guy. I think he only needs to do it once."

"Do it once?! How does he only need to do it once?"

"I don't know, but I know all he needs to do is to give you one punch, man." Goku sighed and shook his head. "I'm _definitely_ not going to want to fight _him_."

The man in the sky growled, shaking the ground below. "Why, you bastards are speaking about me like I'm not strong at all!"

Vegeta threw his head back and laughed in complete disbelief. "You're _not_ strong anymore, Nappa!"

Nappa snarled, lowering his…tail… to the ground in front of Vegeta. "I see you're still such an arrogant punk, Vegeta."

"And I see you're still dead," Vegeta smirked, looking down towards Nappa's lower half, "with a tail to boot."

"Don't mock me Vegeta!" Nappa raised his fists to the sky in dramatics, yelling loudly. "I am the mighty Ghost Nappa!"

Vegeta and Goku looked at him dumbfounded before looking at each other. Goku shook his head. "Well I'm out of here."

"Where the hell are you going, Kakarot? I thought you wanted to train!"

"Yeah, train with someone _good_. This would just be considered bullying."

"Hmph. I never knew you to be the running away type."

"I'm not, but this isn't my fight. I'd rather train with Chi-Chi right about now, at least she'll feed me afterwards." He placed two of his fingers to his head and disappeared again, leaving Vegeta behind, cursing him.

"Well, are you ready to face Ghost Nappa!?"

"You can't be serious," Vegeta ran his hand down his face, "you have a _name_ for your condition?"

"Silence! Let's not beat around the bush, Vegeta. You know why you're here." He snapped his fingers and a foggy bubble emerged from the ground, carrying the sleeping bodies of Trunks and Dr. and Mrs. Briefs.

Vegeta narrowed his eyes at the ground. "So that is why I couldn't locate their kis, huh Nappa?"

Nappa looked at him confused, a phantom brow raising to his forehead. "What are you talking about?"

"You've done some sort of ghost magic to coneal their ki's!"

"What's a ki? I haven't done anything except put them here."

"Then how come Kakarot sensed them and I couldn't! Explain that!"

"I don't know, maybe he's just better at you at whatever that is."

Vegeta snarled, ready to punch that stupid moustache off of his face. But first, he had answers he needed. "Why did you tell me you were in a portal!? There is no damned portal; this is just the place you died!"

"I said _they_ were in a portal, which they were. You see that," he pointed to foggy bubble, " _that's_ a sleep inducer. So they're currently in the land of dreams."

"What the hell? That's not a portal, that's just stupid!"

" _I_ don't think it's stupid. I think it's effective. It did get you here, obviously." Nappa crossed his arms and looked to the side.

Vegeta smirked. Finally he could get on with the real reason he was made to come here: the protection of his pride. He supposed the others were important too. "So, are you finally ready to fight, Nappa?" He crouched into his signature stance, his fists itching to violently meet Nappa's….flesh…or whatever ghosts are made out of.

"Not really," Nappa said, shrugging away his arrogance, "that's not why I called you here."

Vegeta was about to burst.

"But that's what the damned note said! I came here for that very fucking reason!"

"Yeah, well, I knew that you're a nympho for your fighting and your ego, so I said what I had to say. But I will still hurt your precious family, and your butler too, if you don't adhere to my demands!"

"Entertain me, Nappa, since you have utterly and _completely_ wasted my time! What demands do you have?"

"Well," Nappa's face contorted into a look of hurt, and Vegeta stepped back at the foreign expression on the bald man's face, "you see, I haven't been able to properly rest in all of these years. And it's annoying, just floating around the pits of hell, looking at everyone have a good time and talk about their evil pasts. And then there's me; poor Ghost Nappa who can't seem to find any peace."

"The hell is your point!?"

"I'm getting to that, god you're still testy. So anyways, after speaking with a couple of guys, I realized I can't have any peace because I'm still hurt by what you did. Some midget thing down there calls himself a magician, and he helped me make this whole plan work! You know, I changed your shit stained monkey diaper, and you killed me to become all buddy buddy with Kakarot! And I just can't let that go, so I need an apology."

Vegeta couldn't believe his ears. "A-an apology? You brought me here for a fucking _apology_!?"

"Yep, I did," Nappa confidently crossed his arms, "and if I don't get one then you can kiss your family goodbye."

"Fucking no I won't apologize to you! You were weak when you should have been strong, and because of that _I_ had to get my hands dirty! You deserved that death!"

"I want an apology!"

"Fuck you!"

Nappa growled, clenching his fists tightly. "Just. Say. It. Vegeta. I want to move on too!"

"Never!"

"Oh just apologize already, Vegeta," Bulma yawned, rising to her feet and walking behind him, "I'm sleepy and I want to go home."

"Sleepy!? YOU CAN'T GO TO SLEEP UNTIL YOU DO THE THING!"

"Awwwhh, can't it wait? I perform better when I can rest!"

"Being tired never stopped you before! You love it! You say you get the best sleep after you put a lot of work in!"

She sighed, fixing her messy bangs. "If you apologize, then I'll do it, okay? I'll build your new gravity chamber."

Vegeta curled his lips. "Do you swear it?"

"Yes."

"And you'll do it _today_ like you originally stated?"

" _Yes._ "

"And you'll add the better bots-"

"For fucks sake, _yes!_ I'll do it all, hell I'll even add a muffin button at this point if you would just apologize already! Trunks has school tomorrow, you know!"

Vegeta huffed, and grit his teeth, the unspoken sentence burnt on his tongue like acid. Just three words, just three measly little words, and he can go on with his day like it was originally planned. Fine, but Bulma better be willing to train with him in _their_ bed in addition to all of this.

"Okay! Nappa," he looked in the direction of the brute ghost, sweat beads filling the pores of his forehead. "Nappa, I'm…"

"Go on," Nappa stated impatiently.

"…the thing is…."

"I'm listening."

"…..imsorry…."

"What was that?" Nappa placed his palm to his ear, cupping it, "I can't hear you all the way from over there."

Vegeta sighed. Fucking asshole, that Nappa. "I said I'm sorry."

"For…?"

"Are you serious!? I apologized!"

"Vegeta…" Bulma scolded.

"My god! Okay fine, I'm fucking sorry Nappa, for giving you a true Saiyan death and killing you in battle. I'm sorry that hell is _so_ miserable to you, and I'm sorry you don't have real friends down there to occupy your time and that for some goddamned reason, you can't find Raditz so that you two can have a pity party!"

The desert wind blew passed them, Vegeta's words lingering in the gap between them.

"Vegeta…" Nappa said softly, "….that was _beautiful._ Thank you!" His body started to glow yellow, his spiraled tail rising from the ground. "It's working, Vegeta. Your apology is saving me!"

"The hell if I care! Just get on with it!"

"Oh, Vegeta, it's so _warm!_ So _this_ is what hell fire is supposed to feel like!" Nappa closed his eyes and relaxed against the breeze as his body began to fade out of existence. "I'm going back Vegeta, and I'm going back as a new man. Thank you Vegeta! Thank you for giving me this chance!" Only his head remained as he looked at Vegeta fondly. "I hope to meet you again, Vegeta! Maybe we can spar!"

"He's a good guy now! When he dies, he's going to Heaven!" Bulma called after him.

Nappa's eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

But it was far too late. For you see, Ghost Nappa had vanished from this world.

Again.

"Well that was completely fucking _stupid_ ," Vegeta complained, walking over to his still-sleeping-but-not-in-a-bubble family. "What a waste of an afternoon."

"At least you're getting what you want, Vegeta," Bulma chimed in, walking next to him, " _I_ still have to build this stupid chamber! All the times we had the fucking dragon balls, and you never thought to bring him back to give him an apology?"

"Fuck Nappa. I'd kill him again if I had the chance."

Bulma shook her head. Oh, Vegeta. "So what did we learn today, husband?"

Vegeta stopped, turning to look at her with a serious expression.

"I learned that the next time your hand is in my pants, teasing my cock and balls, I'm going to let you finish. I'm going to cum all in the pretty little hand of yours, and then I'm going to make you build me a gravity chamber _without_ a proper shower."

Bulma's eyes widened at his vulgarity. Sighing, she leaned closer to him and grabbed his arm, resting her head on his bicep.

"Oh, Vegeta," she smiled, "I _love_ it when you talk dirty to me."

_**Fin.** _

_A/N: So you can tell what I was influenced by, huh?_

_Please excuse me for this hefty amount of, "whaaaat?"_

_I wanted to write something without a lot of thought, and ta-da! Here you guys go!_

_Even though this is heap of mess, and not to be taken seriously_ _**at all** _ _, perhaps I can ask you guys to R &R?_

_Thank you friends!_


End file.
